Duets.

I am the nick pitera of my own life at the moment. And it's actually irritating how everyone seems to be belting out in some insane duet. I'm standing in front of a mic, singing the Aladdin part of A whole new world, and then running to the other side and singing the jasmine part. Nothing is more irritating than the people who think they can join in... if you can sing better than I can sing it, I still like my own version. And if you can't even sing, then why are you here? and my favorite, if you think I sing so well, therefore I will make your song better, you're a moron.

About my hair... I understand that it looks better straight. I realize that it looks longer straight. I realize that it looks darker straight. I understand. Yes, I know. And yes, I will still ignore you. I refuse to run for shelter when it's about to rain. I refuse to starve myself instead of working out because I can't wash my hair everyday. I refuse to blush when people ask why a strand of my hair is curling up. I refuse to spend time making my self something I am not. Why is it suddenly a bad thing to like myself? it's bad enough that I choose to put on eye liner everyday.. that makes me feel fake enough.


Lately, I've been going to teenstuff magazine more often. What happened to teenagers? Since when did it become cool to stay IN the box? "we're tired of everything controversial, can't we talk about something normal for once?" SERIOUSLY? tired of controversy? I need the person who had the master plan to make the new generation as boring as possible and just shake their hand until it falls off, because he definitely succeeded.


My sister is having a baby in three months inshaa'allah. it's going to be a boy inshaa'allah. 
question is, now what? or then what? I keep thinking I'd be the kind of aunt that makes the baby bleed while attempting to change it's diaper, and I have an image of me with a dirty diaper stuck to my back, a spit up stain on my shoulder, and I'm holding the baby's leg and carrying him upside down with his head dangling.. so the phone rings, and I let go of his leg. *applause* I can't be absent minded with a baby around. I can't be the person who puts her notebook in the freezer and tries to mute the Television using her cell phone any more. because that notebook could be the baby! what if the baby isn't in the freezer, what if the baby starts learning to speak, and then his first word is something horrible I said while changing his diaper. what if, the baby grows up and deletes a file off of my laptop.. My music folder, and I *accidentally* kill him? what if the baby hates me? what if he doesn't hate me, what if he likes me so much that he doesn't want to go home with his parents, and then THEY hate me. What if I'm the kind of aunt that people avoid? What if I'm the annoying aunt that's so critical of everything? what if he's the annoying kid that throws home appliances out the window and pees on the wall?


what if it's all perfect? and what if nick pitera really is unnatural?


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t9-CS2v8wcc


Oh and.. I found the Spell check button, it was there the whole time, right infront of me.

Goosebumps

I never was the kind of person that gets goosebumps when they're moved. I actually have a vitamin dificiency that results in a condition called "Goosey Skin". My arms constantly have goose bumps for no reason. Everywhere I go people ask me if I'm feeling cold, some even just assume I am and start closing windows and offering me jackets.

I'm glad I don't get goose bumps. I'm glad chocolate doesnt make me happy. I'm glad I always hated chocolate chip cookies. I'm glad I hate big weddings. I'm glad I laugh at everything. I'm glad I cry when I want to. I'm glad I let people talk to me when I dont know them. I'm glad my hands shake sometimes when I'm speaking infront of an audience. I'm glad I answer all questions with a question. I'm glad I never cared enough about how I look to spend more than 50 L.E on a haircut. I'm glad I don't use my american accent. I'm glad my desktop wall paper is a picture of the Egyptian flag. I'm glad I never liked birthday cakes.

I'm glad I turn the air conditioner off using the remote instead of the switch like I'm supposed to. I'm glad I dont care if I look stupid when Im running. And I'm glad I notice when someone's making fun of me. I'm glad I ignore them. I'm glad I make fun of them in my head too. I'm glad I'm writing this even when I should be working on my secretariat plan.

I should get goosebumps though.

Shuffle.

Why isn't it possible to quote instrumentals? It would have made alot of this easier. It was brought to my attention by Eman (yes, me) that my blog posts have been really gloomy for a while now. So I made a playlist, and I put it on shuffle. And I'll let each song change the flow of this post. That won't be easy, because I always have one song playing on repeat for each post. So this should be interesting. Here goes.

I have so much to do this summer, it's crazy. And alot of it is just things to sort out with myself. And even more are things I always wanted to do but never really went through with. And inorder to do them I will have to get one thing sorted out with my parents. Inshaa2 Allah, if they let me go out when I want, I will not die.
Another thing is this band thing I've started with Ahmed Magdy. I need to get used to the fact that I will be getting up on stage and singing infront of other human beings. I'll probably pass out the first couple of times. I wouldn't want to let my band members down. I'm also applying as a secretariat in Almun 2011 inshaa2allah. That'll need another blog post.

That was Snow (hey Oh) - Red hot chilli peppers

I was called judgemental by a really close friend this week. I was also informed that I'm scary. I was also described as a pain in the ass by another friend. "And how could I talk to you if I can feel terror?".
I thought it would be easy to write about this, but it really isnt. Just like it isn't easy for me to talk about it or even think about it.

That was Mad - Ne-yo

I have a friend, lets call him S. He was always the guy who feared commitment, and we always laughed about being almost equally afraid of commitment. He used to call him self a tinman, and he wouldnt stop saying that he had no heart. But he was always okay. And it made sense to me. I was so sure that if he was like that, then it's okay for me to be like that. lets just say he was my hope at proving my theory that you can be happier single than when you're with someone.
All hopes of that went down the drain. He has fallen desperately, dangerously and entirely in love, head over heels, "let's get married now", "I want to my children to look like you", kind of falling in love. and it's not a teenage kind of thing, he's in his twenties and it's serious. I look at him and I know he's happier now, and he's more comfortable with himself. And it scares me.

that was stop this world - Ne-yo

this is a good one =D Who knew james morrison could actually be good? I never really gave him a chance. "And if you stay with me, honestly it's what I want. But if you stay with me, I know I'll hurt you more. So won't you save, save yourself." I'm doubting myself about alot of my choices these days. I'm not sure about anything or anyone anymore. I'm scared of the day I'll wake up and realize that I'm an entirely different person and I'm not even in a better place.

that was Save yourself - james morrison

I had a dream that Julie started talking. She told me that she never recognized me when I visited, and she always thought I was someone else. In the dream I wasn't upset, I was just happy she's out of her coma. I'm tired of people asking me if she's awake. And I'm tired of having to answer them when they ask "why?" If anyone knew why, then everything would be okay now, wouldn't it. What is wrong with you? Why would ou think it's okay to ask such a question like you're asking what time it is.

that was please don't stop the rain - james morrison

I met someone today, I don't really know him, but I've been aware of his existence for a about 3 years now. I'm not attracted to him or anything, and it's nothing like that. But I can't help but to notice that when he smiles everyone looking at him smiles too. And I always smile too. Infact today I was trying to avoid him, because of an awkward encounter we had earlier this year, but as I was trying to walk right past him, he put his leg right infront of me. If I had decided to continue walking and pretending I didn't notice, there was a great chance that I'd trip and fall. And that's never fun, is it. So I stopped and we said our helloes. And I kept thinking that it was a shame that we weren't friends, because I could use more smiling in my life.

That was Hey, Soul sister - Train

enough for today, I'll have to come back for a post about a couple of things here..

The rays of expression. - Dedicated to Omar K Hegazy

This blog post is not about me. And it's not a short story. This blog is about another blog.

I just finished reading Omar K Hegazy's blog. And well, let's just say that all I kept thinking when reading it, is that it's a shame that a person like him is burried behind what people think of him. If only people understood what he has to offer to this world, I'm sure everything would be atleast a little bit more exciting.

It's a shame that people can't see beyond what's infront of them. There's so much more to people than they appear to be. And a perfect example of that is Omar. If I was stupid, I would read his blog and laugh. I would laugh at his sentence structure. I would laugh at the way he just uses an arabic word every time he can't find an english word to describe what he wants to say. I would laugh at how he calls Yahia "ya7yo7a". I would laugh at how straight forward some of his statements are.

But all I see is Someone who is expressing himself. And what he has to say is beautiful, simply because it's honest. Omar K hegazy, I am officially proud of you and proud of being your friend. Please write everyday because everytime i read something you write, it makes me happy.

Thank you ya Fandem

Twister

I grew up in a place where it wasn't exactly wise to do anything other than what you were told. I grew up in a battlefield of my own and I understood very well that I was not the most important thing in my family. I knew that at any moment someone would run out of people to hurt and it would be my cue to be prepared to hear things I didnt want to know. I grew up with an unwritten rule that some things can not be shared with my family, and it wasn't long before I learned that the other unwritten rule was to never try to break the unwritten rules. I look back at my self, and sometimes I can't even remember how I got through each day. I was taught that love is enough. Things will be okay because we all love eachother. My parents will stay together because they love us. We will forgive our parents because we love them. We will get over our little fights with eachother, because brothers and sisters just love eachother, it's what they do. We will sit at the dinner table every evening and eat together, because we love eachother. We will take back all the insults the next morning because we love eachother. We will still let that last Mango rot in the fridge because we think the other should eat it, because we love eachother. And we will still hurt eachother, more than we can even bare, because we love eachother.

So, here I am, asking yet another question I dare not ask my family.

What is love?

And if love really was enough, then why do I feel betrayed by the system?

Washing Flags with Beads of Sweat. - (Inspired by Rachel Corrie)

I felt my body tense up at the thought of what was about to happen. I had no choice but to go through with this. My ears were hot and my fists were clenched. I knew this would be good for me, and for my country. I promised my self I would do whatever it takes to Free this country and it's people from it's terror. I promised my self I will not let anyone stop me. I never thought that someone could be me, and now that that's an option, I won't let it happen. I will go out there and do what I have to do. God really does work in mysterious ways, doesn't he? In my attempts to free a whole population, he is pushing me to free my self from my own prison. I unfolded my flag and folded it three times. I was starting to get worried my sweaty palms would stain it. Nothing should ever stain my flag... my people's flag. I watched as everyone else practiced, and wondered if I should be doing that as well. But there was no time to start now, I was meant to do this for the first time with everyone else. No one knew I only memorized what I was supposed to do but never actually tried it. If I'd even attempted to do this before that day I wouldn't have gone through with it, this was the only way to do it.

"They're gone, we lost them in last night's shooting, they were too heavy to carry and we had to leave them behind". I looked at the smile on his face and I knew he knew what I was about to say. "We won't need them, we'll work with what we have". Seeing him, and the hope that so elegantly presented it self to me in the corners of his eyes, and the sweat on his forehead, was all I needed to be prepared to face myself and the rest of the world. I looked at the sun, soon it will be ours again.

"It's time" he was calm enough to make me forget for a second what he was talking about. Everyone grew silent. I watched as everyone took their positions around the house. I felt my heart trying to escape from my rib cage, but there were far more important things now. He took me by the hand and walked with me to my position right infront of the house's door. There I was, holding my brother's hand, desperately hoping he wouldn't notice that I'm shaking. I wasn't afraid of death, I was afraid of losing control. Everyone smiled as the tank finally came into sight, and I wasn't surprised when I realised that twenty of us were standing there, banging their chests with their fists, because like he said, we lost our drums in last night's shooting. The beat was just as intense as it had been when we had the drums. I took a deep breath and let go of my brother's hand. For twenty years, I fought for freedom from this country's opressors and looked death straight in the eyes. But I never thought that one day I would have to dance for this country. I grew up running, running and standing. They were the two options I ever really had.

I unfolded my flag in time with everyone else, and I wrapped it around my chest. I took one more deep breath and waited until the tank was where we wanted it to be. "NOW" I let my voice invade the ears of the ninety people around me. And they immediately started clapping, and aiding our human drums with their feet hitting the ground. I was going to do this, I had to, and I wanted to. I let my arms float above me and my body was moving to the beat. I turned every turn I was supposed to turn. I bent my joints when I was supposed to. I was in sync with everyone around me, and I was in sync with my own heart. I'd never let my body move in any manner that was remotely loose. I felt my mother's necklace float into the air and fall back on my chest with every movement I made. I jumped, and so did everyone else. I just... Danced. The tank was heading straight for us and behind it was the bulldozer. I was facing my only fear, I was dancing and It didn't scare me anymore. I was not afraid of losing control over my own body anymore. Soon when the sun and this land are ours again, there will be no chains around my neck.

The tank stopped, but the bulldozer didn't. I died a free woman. The sun is mine, I am the sun. I did not die in vain. I did not die in vain. I will always hear the sound of my brothers and sisters feet hitting the ground, and their fists beating their chests. They will free themselves, And they will free my country. My heart will always beat with theirs. My heart will always be their drum, because I did not die in vain.

Speaking of Sally...

I lost my temper over a sandwich today. Enough Said.