The thing about the words I say.

I am here to make sure that I will not stop writing. Saying everything is okay at this point will sound to my own ears like the most moronic advertisment ever aired on Egyptian Television, "Americana... 100% Egyptian".

Things are far from being fine, and I am far from being at peace. I am slowly tormenting myself over things I have no control over. I am chasing after thoughts that never really existed, and I'm not sure if I'm trying to chase them away, or to get a hold of them. I don't know what I want. I don't know what I'm fighting. But I know that I am looking for two things, I am looking for a concrete belief in god, and I am looking for something to want.

I envy heart broken people, because atleast they have an idea what they want. I envy people who are failing at something, because atleast they know what they want to achieve. I envy people who are fighting for their freedom, because they know where they want to be. I envy people who made a decision to stop doing something, because they know what they want and dont want to stand for.

What would my writing be like if I was the kind of person who knew how to write in a constant chain of metaphors and analogies? How do I manage to make my sentences seem so simple, yet at the end of each piece of writing, most people still don't understand what I'm trying to say?

How many times a day will I have to ask my self if I'm staring into space because I'm really thinking, or because I want to be thinking? The answer never changes.. "I don't know, but keep thinking". I am tired of thinking, I want to do something. I want to find out what it is Im thinking about. I want to want something. But wanting to want doesn't count, does it?

For the first time in a long while, I feel like one Eman. I don't feel like a thousand little parts of me stuck together with a half-chewed stick of gum. I am just Eman, one that is so indifferent about most things. I am finally one, and I don't care. I don't care. I don't want anything. I don't want anything for me. I don't want to win anything, I dont want to be anywhere, I dont want to be with anyone, I don't want to learn anything. I just want to stand still and let everyone else get a head start at everything possible.

I say alot of things.. I say I can do alot of things.. I don't think I've ever tried to do any of them.

I don't want to play with the rubiks cube, because I can't handle the pressure I feel when I can't get a row in order.

I feel like thanking Omar Abhar for Existing. So yeah.. Thank you for existing.. You are one of very few people that I don't find Irritating at the moment. So yeah.. that's about it for now.