The Sink

Despite any assumptions about how our family apartment should actually be, we have one bathroom in this apartment. That's right. One Bathroom, and most of the time, Seven People. Seven people who happen to wake up at the same time. Seven People who eat at the Same time. And seven people who, most of the time, tend to decide to use the bathroom at the same time. So to avoid excessive knocking and screaming, (And if you forget to lock the door, it's just screaming), I learned to take a little tour of the house before I decide to shower, to let everyone know that the bathroom will be occupied for the next hour or so.

The funny thing is, because everyone always want what they can't get, I've developed the habit of reading on the washing machine. And ofcourse all of my important thinking happens in the shower. All of my singing practice happens in there too. In fact, this blog post started out in my head in the shower just an hour ago. I remember when I really realised I can sing, I used to print out the lyrics to "Every Breath You Take", "Under Pressure" and "All That I've Got" and I'd stick them in the shower. And it would be ages before my neighbours can take their hands off of their ears. And it's not just about the shower and the washing machine.

The sink. The part of the day when I wake up and drag myself to the bathroom and stand infront of the sink to wash my face and then look up at myself in the mirror, is never just a simple moment. Regardless of the hundreds of times my family almost knocked down the door because I was taking too long in there, that moment is something else. I never realise how long I'm standing there, looking myself straight in the eyes, with the water running to waste. Even if I'm an hour late for a lecture, I can never stop it from happening. I look at myself like I'm someone I haven't seen in years. The moment they start knocking on that door like madmen, I realise it's been 10 minutes, and I haven't even moved in an inch. No wonder they think I'm reckless and irresponsible...

I just remembered why I was writing about this in the first place, when I was telling my parents that I'm going to shower, my mom told me to wait till the morning because it's almost fagr and everyone will want to pray, and they'll need to use the bathroom first. I told her I'll only take ten minutes (yes, I lie when it comes to how much time things will take!). So my dad actually said, "Yeah, and you shouldnt wash your hair in the morning and then go out, you'll catch a cold". Umm, it's 40 Degrees (c). So, yeah... This house.. is REALLY weird.

I've been listening to a justin bieber song for about three hours now. Don't get me wrong, I can't stop listening to it because it's featuring Jaden Smith. And I can't get over how much he sounds like his father. Well the miniature version of his father. And I wonder if it really takes parents who have a great marriage to bring up emotionally stable, bright,and talented children.

"No pun intended, I was raised by the power of Will" - Jaden Smith - Never Say Never.

The Shade of Green You Never Saw

I am okay with whatever I have right now. The thing is, I don't know what I have. I really don't know what I have right now to keep me going.
there are few things I am certain about, and most of my certainty is about my uncertainty.

I know that I can write. I know that I can not describe an object, or a sight, but I can describe the feelings it gives me, or anyone.
I know that I have thoughts that are different from others around me, but I also know that the moment I try to express them, my heart rate will sprint out of control.
I know that I stutter most of the time.
I know that I write "your welcome" even though I know it's actually "you're welcome".
I know that reconnecting with a certain person could've been enough to shake me to my core, but it didn't.
I know that I laugh a lot, because it's easier, and because I can't control it.
I know that I am a Muslim, but I also know that I know less about Islam than I know about anything else.
I know that I believe in this country, and the people of this country.
I know that I can say " I know I can say" and I don't have to say "that". I also know that I like using the word that.
I know that my last statement could be very confusing.
I know that my spelling has improved drastically in the past three years.
I know that when I was a child, I wanted to paint. I wanted to paint because I wanted to move people.
I know that I cannot paint.
I know that I've always loved food. I also know that I love food more than I should.
I know that my hands shake in interviews. I know I let them shake.
I know I can sing. I also know I don't have control over my own voice.
I know I rarely ever know what I'm doing.
I know I can turn most situations to my favor at the end of the day.
I know some people scare me.
I know I rarely meet deadlines. And I always know if I will, or not.
I know I don't like to remember certain years of my life, but I have no regrets.
I know I'm the loudest screamer in any amusement park.
I know that if I died today, and everyone found out everything I ever hid from the world, most people will hate me.
I know I'm all you have sometimes.
And I know sometimes, most of the time, you are all I have.
And finally, I know I talk to myself like I'm a stranger, because that's really what I am.

And I'm okay with all I have.. for now.

She Has No Time

When is the last time I felt big? And do you know what I mean by big? not weight big, and not height big. and not any kind of big that might cross your mind when you see the word big. Big?
I feel like typing fast enough to match the keyboard's beat with this song's tempo. Tempo?
Question marks make it easy to walk out, don't they"?"

Chris Martin lied, you know. He won't try to fix me.
Someone once told me never to trust two types of people, Brits, and Alexandrians. I now know that she was right, I also learned not to trust her.
Someone once told me, that they were glad I wasn't theirs, because they were afraid that if I belonged to them, they would abuse me. I will never stop being afraid of them.
Someone once told me that one day I will be loved. but there are too many twists in that story for one piece of writing to handle, so I will spare you the details.

I will spare you the details of everything. They are not important. Long story short, my story can not be shortened. And Long story short, My story is not significant enough to tell anymore, but I am not indifferent enough to forget all of it. The details of my story, can not be given justice.

Now, how hard was that"?"

Thirteen Months.

I followed through with this blog, finally. I capitalize my I's more often. And I use less dots. I still cant start a sentence in past tense and keep it that way though. I still run into walls and I still havent let go of enough crap to feel any lighter.

Immaculate Bridges

I hate to admit my shallow thoughts. I hate to admit that I would change my mind about someone following just how big their lips look at a certain moment. The moment some one's lips look abnormally large to me, I know that for some reason I have or will have a change of heart about them. As misleading as something like that SHOULD be, it has saved me from several situations I'm sure I wouldn't have liked being in. It pushes me to take a mental step backwards just in time. I never quite know what I'm being saved from, but I've learned not to resist the instinct to run.

Leonard Cohan actually wrote Hallelujah. He wrote it and he sang it. And no one really listened then. Everyone's singint it now, and the words somehow changed everytime someone new sang it. I've seen "she broke your throne" turn into "she broke your crown" and "the holy dove was moving too" turn into "the holy ghost". And "All I've ever learned from love is how to shoot somebody who outdrew you" turn into "All I've ever learned from love is how to shoot someone who overthrew you". 

The thing is, i thought I was so observative when it comes to covers of this song and then I realized I never actually heard the original version by Leonard Cohan. I couldn't even get half way through it. and what does most of it mean anyway? what's the forth and what's the fifth?

I know nothing.

I wish when I write about this song, Im just writing about this song. But that's never the case. I never just mean this song. I never just mean music.
I could be the most uninspired human being on the face of this planet right now. I'll stop now.