Dear Music Playlist,

For a year now, you've been becoming increasingly cold to me. You know how hard it is for me to live without you. I try to fix you everyday, and I just can't tell what's wrong. I can't fix what I can't see. Something is missing, and I can't tell what changed. It's like you don't want me anymore. And you have absolutely no consideration for how I feel about you. Don't you dare say this is my fault. It's you. I still want this to work. I'm still trying. But you... this is a job to you. You start a song, and you end it, like everything is the same to you now. I turn to you every time I'm vulnerable to my own feelings, and at moments like that, I can't help but notice how uninterested you are. You are everything that I am, and Everything I ever was. If I'm you then I seem noticeably unpleasant to myself. Please talk to me like you used to. I wish I knew what you want. I wish I saw you the way you want top be seen. Don't let go yet, you're all I have left.

love,
Eman Eldeeb

What does that even mean?? Why did I just write that? Am I supposed to know? Is it normal to see certain things as my reflection? My music playlist?? My pen? My hair?

Which brings me to the question that my friend Omar Hegazy asked me.. Why is it that when people talk about love, they automatically link it to their heart. When's the last time I talked about MY heart? And again.. why the heart? When he asked me I told him that maybe it's because any thought that occurs in the brain affects the heart rate. He said "well, Isn't that because the brain signals the adrenaline gland to secrete adrenaline and that causes the change in the heart rate?". I thought about it for a second and it made sense. So he came up with the conclusion that love is actually directly linked to the brain, and then the body's glands. Which brings us back to the question, Why the heart?


Yahia El sady, pointed out that it's because when you believe in something strongly enough, you feel it in your heart and no where else. Why? he doesn't know.

Nirvana thinks it's because when humanity first started, they had no scientific explanation for love. And they felt it in their heart, and it caught on from there.

I haven't talked about my heart since 2008. I really don't miss it. But I do notice the subject's absence.

"And now all your love is wasted, And then who the hell was I, And I'm breaking at the bridges, and at the end of all your lies." - Bon Iver - skinny love.

Who am I to be talking about my self at a time like this? And who am I do deserve this life? I don't think It'll ever be about me anymore, and I don't think I even care.

"started crying and I couldn't help myself, started running but there's no where to run to, I sat down on the street took a look at myself, said where're you going man you know the world is headed for hell, say your goodbyes if you've got someone you can say goodbye to" - Matchbox twenty - How far we've come.

I have someone I can say goodbye to, I'm just afraid that when that time comes, I wouldn't know who I want to say goodbye to first.

My music is still part of me, I'll figure this out.. I have to.