The Push.

I find myself, lost in my fear of the future, a large number of times too many a day. And It's not about what life could bring upon me. It's not about who will leave and who will stick around. It's not about whether I'll be left to die alone or not. It's almost always has more to do with how I will react to whatever may come my way.

Love. Interesting, yeah? Well, the funny thing is, people fall in love with other people, don't they? They're afraid that the person they love wouldn't love them back. They're afraid they'd wake up one day and the person they love is gone. They're afraid someone will come along and take the person they love away. They're afraid the person they love doesn't think they're good looking enough. They're afraid the person they love doesn't think they're smart enough.

hmmm... Why is it then, that my fear is always that I would love someone that loves me more than I love them, or even worse, more than I love myself? I'm always afraid that I'd wake up one day, pick up everything that could be traced back to me, and leave. I'm always afraid I'd realise that I was right all along, I AM better off alone. I'm afraid I'd end up with someone that believes in me enough to make me forget what I want to do with my life.

So, that's my say on THAT subject.  I don't think I've ever felt this uncomfortable with publishing a post.
Speaking of being uncomfortable, I was asked how I'm able to type out the most personal details of my life onto a page and just publish them out there for everyone to see. Well, here's the thing... I believe that the only way to acknowledge the existence of a human experience, is to record it somewhere at least one other human being will come across later. And who said any of this is "the most personal details of my life"?
They're personal, I can't really deny that bit. But "most"?

Oh and A friend once said.. "I read your blog, but It gets me worried about you.. You keep writing about things that you actually should be letting go of". That's what I'm doing. Hence the blog's title.

Breathe in, breathe out. Silence.