Sally's Face

There's a certain vulnerability about rage, that just gets to me more than it should. Anger, and the rush of power that comes along with it, frightens me. I've never given myself the full right to be angry, there's always a sense of guilt accompanying it. And at that point, that makes me even angrier.

When I was a kid, my mother used to call me "7erro". As much as it makes me laugh, it makes sense. By 7erro she meant that I always got angry, but I took it out on my self. She used to tell me that the more I let my temper get the best of me, the more it'll chip away bits of my heart and soul. I remember the first time I ever did something self-destructive. I was five, and we were on vacation somewhere. Dad told me to pack my things because vacation is over and we have to go back home. So I waited for him to walk out of the room and I started crying. When I realised that the fact that I cried won't change anything, I felt about 6 consecutive pops in the center of my chest. I clenched my fists and contracted every muscle in my body for about 10 seconds. I remember feeling like the anger building up inside of me would take too much time and energy to express. So in order for it too cool off, I had to push myself over the edge. So, without even thinking, with two fingernails I pinched my right cheek, just below my left eye, until I couldnt handle the pain. I let go of my cheek, and took 3 deep breaths. Then I packed my things and we all went home. When I got home I felt a stinging pain on my face. I'd completely forgotten what had happened 2 hours prior. So I looked in the mirror and I saw two little scars filled with dried blood on my left cheek.

I need to get back in control, because I am not that little girl anymore.

"Stand up beside the fireplace
Take that look from off your face
You ain't never gonna burn my heart out
And So, sally can wait
She's knows it's too late as she's walking on by
Her soul slides Away
Don't look back in Anger
I heard you Say"

Oasis - Don't look back in anger

Aly Genena, Thank you for reminding me of how much I love this song, I'll sing it some day inshaa'allah.
Omar K Hegazy, Thank you for always reading my blog, and you were right about everything today.
Omar Abhar, Sometimes I post new blog entries just because I know you'll read them, Thanks for making my month*

The non-human category:
Dina Abdelhafiz, you have no idea how perfect your timing was with that txt message, it saved my life.
Nada, you're not people, you're an organ.. haha I love how you'll laugh at this like I just laughed when I wrote it. thank you.

And shady sadat, That S on your chest is so bright, it could blind someone! Thank you for being what you are.


Julie Farouk, if it weren't for you, I would've given up.