The Weakness Behind My Independence

Hey there blog reading people. I am here again, and I've reset my password for the 6th time this month. It's not exactly easy to remember all my thirty-something passwords to all the different accounts. But after reading Safeya's blog, and her first entry, I felt an unstoppable urge to see what my first blog entry was. And I realised I actually have four blogs. I seriously have to stop this vicious cycle, like right now. Before I forget, Safeya, yes! People who just enjoy making themselves feeling pathetic are getting old, and they should be shot dead. And though I'm not exactly one to judge, because I was one of those people, now that those days are long gone, I think I deserved to be shot dead back then too.

I think this blog is a disgrace, maybe this entry is not so bad, but as a part time editor I should know how to make an entry look good. I just looked at the entries before this one, I wanted to burn them. I always do that, I always know how to fix other people, and I have no idea how to fix me.

I believe that if people were to be unhappy or miserable, they could write about it, sing about it, draw about it, talk about it, but they don't have the right to live about it. I hate the fact that that last sentence has to be grammatically incorrect in order for me to prove my point. Sometimes I wonder how many wrong bridges I'd cross just to prove an over blown point. How many people will I push away just to prove I'm independent? How many annoying people will I endure just to prove that I believe everyone deserves a second chance? How many numbers will I change before I finally admit that I really want to cut off alot of people out of my life? How many pop songs will I not listen to, to prove that I'm a strict rock fan. How many Idiots will I listen to just to prove that I'm patient? How many twists and turns will I make my brain do just to prove that I'm flexible? And the thing that really has me spending that extra fifteen minutes in the shower thinking about everything and nothing, is that I'm not really trying to prove any of this to anyone but myself.

*sigh*... For the past year, I've been chasing around my female friends urging them to not get into any relationships, and maybe they could wait a couple of years before they commit. Because I believe a commitment can't really be made unless you already know what else you want to do with you're life, then you can factor a partner into that. There were two major girls that I was focusing my efforts of persuasion on. One of them is now in a relationship, and so is the other, but the other one is claiming to be in love yet she's not in a relationship. Convincing, isn't she?
It may seem a little weird that I give a rat's ass about whether or not my friends getting into relationships or not, but there's logic behind it.

One can not learn to love another, Until they learn to love their self.
One can not learn to depend on others, or let others depend on them, unless they learn to depend on them selves.

so now both these girls are involved in some sort of romance, and one seems happy, the other loves running in circles (and she's happy xD). And I still think I'm right. I'm happy they're happy, but I don't think I'll ever be able to do that, just let go and let my happiness be linked to someone else.. not now at least, not until I have other things that can make me happy, then I can share them with someone. Enough for today, I'm sot sure what I'm saying. Goodnight.